Working on my attitude

Since the 2002 Winter Olympics I have been a fan of Seattle speed Skater, Apolo Ohno.  With the 2008 Olympic Games he became the top US Winter Olympian with eight metals of which two were gold.  Being in three Olympic Games, a span of twelve years, is an accomplishment in itself for an athlete.  But beyond his ability as a speed skater, I like the guy for his personal philosophy of life.  The coffee chain Starbucks used a quotation from Apolo to place on the side of their coffee cups a few years back.  “If I have given my all and still do not win, I have not lost. Others remember the winning and losing.  I remember the journey.”  Several years back I was a long distance runner.  The weekends were usually set up for a long run, at least eight miles and more like 14 to 18 miles when I was in the peak of my training.  I looked forward to every run and the visit with whoever I was running with.  When time was short I would get in a four miler and then get ready for work.  I would log my time; keep records of my total mileage for the year, etc.  For me the journey and the analysis of my running for training schedules and looking at how my pace was improving were more enjoyable than the race.  For all the races I was in, there were few that I came in first for my age division.  One race I tied for first with my good friend Jerry.  One half Marathon I tripped my good friend Joe as our feet got tangled up on a curve.  There was no one else close to us to crowd me into him.  So how did it happen that I tripped him all by myself?  I am not sure.  It may have been that for that race I got the start time wrong and we were 40 minutes late and we were trying to passed up some people that were way ahead of us.  The journey of my running had many memorable events.   

Today my five year journey through AL Amyloidosis has also accumulated a lot of memories.  They include the fine doctors and nurses that have worked with me.  Also the friends that were being treated for cancer or other diseases.  And the times of recovery, either from the medications or the healing from the various surgeries from heart transplant to minor procedures such as a bronchoscopy.  They all become part of the experience; the journey.  A lot of it was not fun. 

 I am going to close my discussion about the journey with one more quote.  “Life consists on not playing good cards, but playing those you hold well “Josh Billings.  I had no way of selecting the cards that were dealt me, but I can decide how to play those ugly cards to the best of my ability.  My attitude about life has yet to be changed from the Amyloid protein.  I have the ability to still do some good for those around me and help in some way those I love.  That is the focus I have with every day I am given.  The journey has become my focus.   

For the past month I have been working on small improvements to my overall health.  I have moved from continuous oxygen to supplemental oxygen at night.  I have been able to get up and walk with my walker for short distances.  I remain on hospice due to the condition of my vascular system that has been damaged from the deposition of the Amyloid proteins.